It's past midnight. I have so many tests and papers due its crazy, and yet here I am blogging. As some of you may know, I'm preparing to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons). This isn't some trip where I go for a couple weeks and vacation in a 3rd world country. This is a 2 year commitment working harder than I've ever worked before. I still don't know where I'm going, but where I'm going isn't the point. The main thing to me is that I go wherever God wants me to go.
Throughout my life I've been taught that unexplained coincidences are called chance or fate, but I've come to know what they really are...God's hand in our lives. Nothing that happens to us is merely a role of the dice, God is all knowing and all powerful. It was not by chance that I grew up with the family that I did and that I've made the friends with the people I have. God's hand is in everything, and from each experience we are supposed to learn something from it. When I moved from California to Washington DC I thought my life was over. I thought I wouldn't make any friends and that I would hate it. Sure it wasn't easy, but that experience has taught me so much and has truly shaped who I am.
Last April, coming up to almost a year ago, I went to Saudi Arabia. It was an opportunity that came out of the blue one day in the middle of school. My mom texted me to ask if I wanted to go, but I had to make a decision right then. Not knowing how I was going to pay for it, or make up for all the school I was going to miss, I said yes. It was by no coincidence that one major snowstorm later I had gotten the $800 for the trip in two days.
In Saudi Arabia my eyes were opened and I really found some motivation and some ideas on what I wanted to do with my life. I got to see the world, especially a wonderful part of the world that most Americans don't get to see. The Saudis were amazing kind, faithful people, and while I was there I picked up some Arabic. My favorite word by far is, Inshallah. Which in slang means "hopefully" but the direct meaning is "If God wills it." I love that phrase!! It is just so true! Everything we do here on life is God's plan for us. Though we can make our own decisions, he already knew we would make it. I'm not quite sure how that works, but God is perfect and knows everything and I don't... so I'll take his word for it!
Sometime I feel like we all need to just take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What am I supposed to learn from life right now? Is what I'm doing right now going to be important 20 years down the road? Are my actions leading to true happiness or am I living in the moment and preventing further growth and experiences down the road? All these are things that I constantly need to ask myself. I don't claim to be smarter or better than anyone else, but I have realized that we need to be honest with ourselves and evaluate what really matters.
I'm not sure if any of this made sense to any readers who actually bothered to spend some time looking at this, but it's just a lot of what I've been feeling. I feel like my life really isn't my own, but that I owe everything to God. And with that, It's bedtime!
